On me demande souvent comment et pourquoi je suis devenue lesbienne. Je vais donc vous raconter ma première fois. Avec une femme, évidemment. Je ne reviens pas sur le fait que je n’ai pas choisi d’être ainsi. Je le suis, un point, c’est tout. J’ai toujours su que j’étais différente, pas comme les autres, pas dans la norme. Jamais attirée par les garçons, mais par les formes de mes camarades de classe, en sport en autre, et par celles des autres femmes.
A 14 ans, je me suis faite opérée de l’appendicite, au CHU de Nantes. C’est au cours de la dernière nuit passée que j’ai connu ma première fois avec une femme. Une infirmière, Martine.
C’était une des infirmières de jour et elle passait tous les matins pour refaire mon pansement. Elle était très gentille, un peu plus que toutes les autres. Et elle avait des formes qui me donnaient le vertige, surtout quand elle se penchait sur moi. Je me plaçais toujours légèrement relevée pour pouvoir apercevoir dans son décolleté. Elle était très à l’aise avec les autres enfants et j’avais remarqué qu’elle laissait certains enfants, plus jeunes, toucher cette poitrine qui attirait leur regard. Je rêvais d’être à leur place et même, téter ces seins généreux.
Je suppose qu’à la longue, elle avait compris mon intérêt mais n’en avait jamais laissé rien paraitre. Je fus surprise de la revoir, le soir avant ma sortie, faire le tour des chambres. Elle m’expliqua vaguement qu’elle remplaçait une collègue. Elle s’approcha pour me donner un baiser sur le front, tendrement, et m’annoncer qu’elle allait revenir discuter avec moi plus tard. Quand les plus petits seraient endormis. Elle revint une heure plus tard, éteignit la lumière de la chambre, ne laissant qu’une veilleuse, et la porte entr’ouverte afin d’entendre la sonnerie d’appel, au cas où.
Arrivée près de mon lit, sans un mot, elle commença à ouvrir sa blouse, du haut vers le bas. J’aperçus sa poitrine, puis son soutif blanc, son ventre et enfin sa culotte, petite culotte blanche. Je ne pouvais qu’admirer cette vue paradisiaque. Elle prit mes mains, les posa sur son ventre et les remonta vers sa poitrine. Elle les lâcha mais je me gardais bien de les retirer, trop heureuse de toucher enfin, de caresser ses deux globes. Elle dégrafa son soutif et l’ôta. Je pouvais palper à loisir cette si jolie poitrine. Puis, elle approcha un téton de ma bouche et je me mis à la téter, voracement. Elle me calma gentiment en me caressant les cheveux et je repris ma tétée, aux anges, littéralement. Je palpais, caressais, tétais, titillais ces globes à portée de mes mains et de ma bouche. Elle me laissa faire un long moment, puis glissa sa main sous les draps, entre mes cuisses.
Elles se sont écartées d’elles-mêmes, comme si elles avaient leur vie propre. Je ne portais rien sous ma blouse et elle commença à me caresser doucement, tendrement. Je ne mis pas longtemps à me pâmer de plaisir sous sa caresse. Je dus m’évanouir aussi je crois car j’émergeais au bout d’un moment, comme si j’avais dormi. Elle était toujours là, près de moi, blouse ouverte sur son corps splendide. Je posais ma main sur son ventre, puis je descendis sous la ceinture, sous l’élastique de sa culotte. Elle la baissa un peu pour me laisser libre accès à son intimité. Je ne voyais pas grand-chose mais au toucher, c’était doux et humide. Et chaud aussi, comme un nid douillet. J’essayais de lui redonner le plaisir que j’avais ressenti sous ses doigts mais j’étais trop inexpérimentée. Elle guida mes doigts vers son petit bouton d’amour et je compris très vite comment l’exciter, le titiller, le faire sortir de sa cachette. Je la sentis s’abandonner un instant au plaisir, puis sa tête prit la place de ses doigts sous ma blouse.
Ce plaisir-là me laissa sans voix, incapable de bouger. J’étais inerte et je la laissais faire, encore une fois. Je sentis soudain une vague monter vers moi, puis me submerger pour me laisser sans vie sur la plage de mon plaisir. J’ai dû m’évanouir pour de bon, à moins que je me sois endormie aussitôt, vaincue par cette vague de plaisir. Je me suis réveillée bien longtemps après ça. La porte était fermée, la veilleuse éteinte et Martine avait disparu. Je ne la revis jamais mais je ne l’oublierais pas, l’infirmière de mes rêves.
De retour chez moi, j’avais une semaine de convalescence avant de retourner à l’école. Une camarade de ma classe, Linda, passait m’apporter les leçons de la journée et les devoirs à faire. Jolie brunette à la peau mate, elle était d’origine portugaise. Un soir, alors que ma mère était sortie faire les courses et nous étions seules à la maison, elle me demanda à voir ma cicatrice. Je lui montrais, bien sûr, sans penser à mal. Elle passa son doigt dessus, délicatement, en me demandant si ça me faisait mal. Je l’assurais que non, bien au contraire. Sa caresse me faisait du bien et un frisson parcourut mon ventre. J’ai pris son poignet et doucement, j’ai guidé sa main dans ma petite culotte. Elle s’est laissée faire, curieuse. Je me caressais avec sa main, ses doigts.
De mon autre main, j’ai relevé mon tee-shirt et j’ai appuyé sur sa nuque pour que ses lèvres viennent effleurer mes tétons. Ses baisers furent si doux que je commençais à mouiller sérieusement. Plus besoin de lui tenir la nuque, ou bien sa main. Je glissais ma main sous sa jupe écossaise, caressais sa cuisse. Puis je baissais sa culotte en coton pour la caresser à mon tour. D’elle-même, elle écarta les cuisses pour me laisser libre accès à son intimité. Elle était très poilue, et déjà bien excitée. Je caressais sa fente, trouvais son clito en haut. Je le caressais et tournais tout autour. Elle se mit à reproduire les mêmes mouvements. Tant et si bien que nous avons joui en même temps. Ce fut un moment délicieux. Le premier d’une longue série.
Pour cette première fois avec Linda, je n’ai pas forcé sa bouche entre mes cuisses, comme Martine l’avait si bien fait. J’ai attendu sa visite, le lendemain. Elle aussi était pressée d’apprendre, même si je la forçais un peu. J’étais allongée, elle pouvait se reculer à tout moment. Ou bien ne plus venir, tout simplement. Mais elle était avide de nouvelles sensations. J’ai su, bien plus tard, qu’elle s’était mariée et qu’elle avait eu trois enfants. Les amours entre filles, ce n’était pas pour elle mais elle restera dans ma mémoire à tout jamais, tout comme mon infirmière.
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